We Choose

Why do we procrastinate?  That's the question for today. Here's what happened that forced this question upon me.

Like most of you, we have a pantry in our house, a small closet where we put most of our non-perishables.  Months ago (and I'm talking more than 3) the door knob on the pantry door stopped working.  It wouldn't turn, hence preventing us from retrieving our munchies.  The quick answer to this problem was to remove the knob.  Yes, there would be a hole in the door and it wouldn't stay shut, but we also wouldn't starve.  This was supposed to be a very temporary solution before I could install a new knob.

As mentioned above, this was many moons ago, like 8 or 9.  Yeah...crazy.  I did purchase a new door knob a month or two into it, but it had a different faceplate.  Great!  I couldn't just pop it in.  It required me to chisel out a spot for the new faceplate.  Yikes!  I'm not the handiest handyman so this tested my resolve to finish the job.  In the end, the inconvenience of not having a knob was less than the energy it would have taken to fix it.

Or so I thought.

Today, I was in a handyman mood.  I installed a new deadbolt on our downstairs door, successfully, I might add.  I was feeling good about myself, so I decided to tackle the pantry door knob as well. That, too, was a success.  We now have a working door knob on the pantry door.  Yay!  Now the question...how long did it take?  Less than 20 minutes.  Not kidding!  I spent 9-ish months procrastinating a 20-minute task.  Ugh!

I'm not a psychologist but I do know myself pretty well.  I procrastinate because of fear.  I'm afraid that if I start a project, I might mess up and that will take even more time to fix than if I didn't start the project in the first place.  My fear of failure is way too big.  I need to have confidence in my abilities to either 1) successfully complete a project, or 2) successfully learn from any mistakes that I may make.  Mistakes are not bad.  They are the learning tools from which we may become better, if we choose.  They can also be road blocks in our progression, if we choose.  So the common denominator is..."we choose".  It's up to me if I want to embrace my learning possibilities and become a better person, or not even try and miss out on a lot of life experience.

-Quinn

Same Person, New Path

He stepped off of the trail he had been on and walked onto a new one.  

He wondered if it would be a wise move, or one that would be worth the effort, or one that would change him into a different person.  The previous path had signs.  These signs made the walking easy because he was told where to step, where to look, when to feel successful, when to feel ashamed.  Often, there were people along the side of the path telling him the same things the signs were saying.  

"Step here and you will be happy. Don't step there because that will be a mistake and you should feel badly about it.  And above all, don't look at the other path next to this one.  It's a bad trail to be on."  

He remembered following all the instructions and feeling good because he was told he would feel good for doing so.  

At times, though, he also remembered feeling surprised when he would look over, for a brief moment ("don't look at the other path"), and see other people on the trail next to him, smiling, laughing even.  However, he noticed more than anything else that they were progressing quicker on their trail.  He wondered how they were able to step and not step where there were supposed to and not supposed to so much quicker than he and still remain positive and smiling and happy.  

He felt a desire to know what it was these other people knew that he did not, what they saw that he could not.  

Opposing this silent desire were the familiar voices and signs continuing to tell him where to step on his path.  On a few occasions, he stepped where he was told not to and he felt very badly for going against the signs and speakers.  Why did he step there?  He may have been curious or not paying attention, or he may have seen a better way to progress on his path.  Whatever the case, he went against the signs and speakers and felt guilty for it.  Only after the guilt had passed was he able to progress further on his path.  

He remembered looking over again and seeing people free to walk where they chose, free to explore their paths.  If someone wanted to progress quickly, they could.  If they wanted to be slow and enjoy the path more completely, they could.  

So, he stepped off of trail he had been on and walked onto a new one.  

The first, most obvious aspect he noticed was the light.  The new path was bright, but not overpowering.  Things were easier to see, easier to comprehend.  He looked back at the old path and noticed the heavy dimness there.  Looking again at his new path, there were no signs or people telling him where to step and not step. He was free to progress as he chose.  Looking back again to the old path, he noticed people gesturing for him to come back, people with tears in their eyes, people he loved with pained looks on their faces.  He could not understand how his loved ones could be in pain when he felt so enlightened and free.  He felt pain for them, for their lack of understanding, but knew that he could not return.  

He turned and looked ahead, feeling warm and free.  The path stretched as far as he could see.  He was ready to explore his new path with serenity and confidence.  Was it a wise move?  Despite a little bit of fear from taking such a bold move he believes so.  Was it worth the effort?  Absolutely!  Did it change him into a different person?  Absolutely not!

-Quinn

LANGUAGE: MORE THAN JUST WORDS

Every morning I walk my two youngest to the bus stop and wait with them until the bus arrives. There's an older gentleman there dropping off, I assume, his granddaughter. We say "hello's" and "how do ya do's" but he doesn't speak much English and I don't speak Spanish so it doesn't get much more than that. For the past week there's been a new mom there in the morning who speaks Spanish. They talk and talk, it's fun to hear the language and pick out the very few words I know of Spanish. Mostly I just smile politely, we still say "hello" and then "c-ya" as we walk away.

However, today I way thinking about language barriers and how they hinder our understanding of each other. People looking for conversation to fight the boredom of waiting for the bus. Yes, I would be fine left alone with my thoughts. It's early and there's the day to think about. But time goes faster with conversation. If this grandpa could share his story with me, what would he share? What would I share?

Then of course I started thinking about the larger spectrum, the world. How would the world be if we didn't have language barriers? There could be less misunderstanding when one doesn't understand the context or culture. Would there be less anger, less war?

I believe the world is beautiful because of it's diversity; different cultures, languages, colors, beliefs, landscapes, what makes up a family, etc. We need that diversity, I don't like the thought of a world without it. But how do we get past that language barrier where there's so many different languages?

Yes, I could branch out and learn a few, but there are so many. I can't help but wonder if we could understand each other better would there be a decrease of war and hatred?

That is what it comes down to...understanding. If we try to understand each other more, rather than jump to conclusions, maybe the world could get along.

I'm sure there are things people do that we will never understand. But there needs to be a level of compassion and respect for different views on how to live life. Sometimes I get tired of the attitude of "it's the American way." While I think America is a lovely place to be, I also realize there is a vast world out there and we are but a small part of it. Face it, Americans do not always know best. So why do a lot of Americans feel that way? Do we not branch out and try to understand other cultures enough? I think there are many who open their mind, and understand.

But is it enough?

I believe that no matter where you live, how you were brought up, or how you choose to live your life, it is important to find understanding and let go of judgment. As for myself, I will seek out compassion and understanding for others so I may fill my heart with love, and live a life of happiness.

-Becky